That's what happened. The divorce is finalized. For some reason, the family union has collapsed. In most cases, divorce is not a peaceful process, but a period of life that is accompanied by mutual accusations, anger, nervous breakdowns. And each of the parties can feel lost, unnecessary, unable to love, stops trusting people.
It is very important at this point in time not to lower your self-esteem and not to focus on backbiting or gloating towards the one who was recently your other half. This applies to both men and women. Remember that when you married for love, you treated, as you thought, a wonderful, beloved person perfectly and he could not change so much during family life with you. Perhaps, when you got married, you simply made up your own hero and expected to get what you made up in reality from a real person, who never matched your fantasies.
Reasons for Divorce
Try to understand the reasons for the divorce. Make (honestly) lists of expectations and what is expected, not only yours, but also from your spouse. And, try to compare and make non-emotional, but real conclusions about what went wrong. Here are the leading questions you can ask yourself (and try asking them from your ex-partner):
- Ideas about appearance.
- Ideas about moral qualities.
- Ideas about leisure and recreation.
- Ideas about everyday life.
- Ideas about nutrition.
- Ideas about holidays.
- Ideas about nature, pets.
- Ideas about wealth, work.
- Ideas about the distribution of roles in the family.
- Ideas about fidelity.
- Ideas about friends.
- Ideas about communication with relatives.
- Ideas about upbringing children.
Don't just answer that this coincided and that didn't. Write in detail. Highlight what was most significant for you in getting married and what caused the divorce. This will help you both to survive the divorce and to start a new path in life, and perhaps will bring you together with the person who will be your true soulmate for the rest of your life.
Raise your self-esteem
Now you are free. Start with yourself, leaving what was in the past. Think about the words of the sage Dalai Lama: There are only two days a year when you can do nothing. One is called — yesterday, and the other is — tomorrow, so today is a good day to love, to believe, to act and to live.
You can raise your self-esteem by following certain rules:
- Try not to use negative definitions in relation to yourself.
- Occupy yourself with things in your free time. Make a to-do list for each day, and at the end of the day, summarize the results. Everyone is most distracted by things that actively load the brain (for example, start learning a foreign language).
- Start praising yourself. Of course, not just like that. Only deserved praise has an effect.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Each person is unique - and this is their highlight.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help and support from friends or a psychologist.
A second chance at happiness
Never say NEVER. Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what adversity has befallen them before, no matter what mistakes they have made in the past. Leave the past behind, start living right now. Be sure to draw conclusions and believe in yourself. Be independent of circumstances. Only when a person respects and loves himself - only in this case will he meet worthy people on his life path. Don't set a goal to get married at all costs - if this is the only goal, then, usually, a person begins to adapt to another person, which will subsequently lead to the same sad results as in the past. Be yourself, so as not to deceive yourself and others - this is the only way to meet your person!
Love and Good Luck!
